I wrote this piece a few months ago when I tried to explain to somebody how it feels inside my head. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ADHD over a year ago and every day is different story. In hopes to wrap my head around the feelings inside my brain- I thought I'd open it up for you all. You are not alone.
If you or somebody you know is dealing with something too much for them to handle alone, talk to somebody:
Thank you to Justin for bringing my idea and words to life and letting me be uptight sitting behind him giving way too many notes and feedback and asking for the impossible. YOU DA BEST
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On point. Every. Single. Fucking. Day. And. Night... And month. And year. Over and over and over and it's exhausting and I just want to be normal. But what is normal? I don't know but I just don't want to feel this anymore. I want to shut all my emotions all my feelings down, turn them off altogether completely but there is no off switch..... And it's frightening and exhausting and frustrating and I feel like a fucking freak or a crybaby or unstable or incapable or stupid or misunderstood and I am all of those things and more... I just don't know how to let it show bc I'm just trying to not make a fool or mockery of myself but then the feelings start and the tightness and I'm short of everything... And this viscous cycle never ever ever ends....
Everytime I feel like anxiety is getting worse again, like having a presentation for class or something like that, I feel like this. My first reaction of me is trying to not cry, but I can't help it. And when my tears of stress than finally fall and drop down my face, the feelings of anxiety get even worse ;-; I hope I'm not the only one with crying as a symptom-
The doctor thinks I have anxiety issues Idk. My blood pressure is high when I go to the doctors cuz I freak out cuz Im stressed over everything I feel like I need to cry but my body will not let me usually it will it hurts.If something annoys me I get mad and want to break things. It feels like something is not right. NO ONE GETS IT
I have a loving family. Pets. Items I really wanted. My parents are generous. I have clothes. Food. I have the chance to travel. So honestly, why am I so stressed. Why do I feel like life is crap. I hope I'm not the only one like this. I feel like I have no chances in life. Am I even allowed to feel like this with everything I have?
I have Anxiety and I'm 14 I first got it when I was 10 and now I need to take pills and its not fun but when I take them I feel like somebody else and I was born with a lot more thing like I have 5 more problems and they are really bad
My anxiety is like glass. If my emotions keep building up I'm gonna explode. My brain tells me it's alright but it's not. My body reaction is turned on. Some days i can't even walk out of my house without crying the pain, fear, sadness build up inside me like i been punched in the stomach soon to break down. anxiety is not fun. I have been dealing with it years now. No one would understand you or knows what's going on. You can't get rid like your running away the fast you can but it quickly stops catches up to like a sick virus. You can only corporate with anxiety and all those pills make it worse. Trust me you got this. Put up your head high and get away from those mistakes, regrets , mixed emotions, negative experiences , get rid of those epectations , and most important remember your self love & worth💞. This journey is not easy but just look ahead not back.😭
It feels like I'm watching people I love in a burning building and I can't reach them to save them .They are dying horribly but I can't reach them . My stomach feels worse that sick .I can't breathe . I want to die too .
I feel like i cant tell anyone how i feel because maybe im just over exaggerating or they wont believe me. I feel like everyone stares at me because they don’t like me or because their judging me. I skip school every day because i make up exuses in my head. “Nobody likes you” “ur too ugly to be there”
if i’m a place where i think, i feel that someone is gonna kill me, or someone is going to take a hijacked plane and dive straight down. when the sun shines too much i feel like its gonna explode, when i hear motorcycles i think its trucks driving on people. there are no time and no place in my head where everything is safe. i know where i live is one of the most safest places in the world, but i can’t stop thinking of every bad scenerio without freaking out for no reason.
I myself don’t have anxiety but my husband did. I have severe depression, especially since I lost my husband back in 2018. This has definitely opened my eyes more as to what he went through on a daily basis. May GOD Bless You All✝️
I have OCD, and there's always a hundred thoughts in my head all running at the same time, everything is countable, everything can be evener. If I bump one elbow, I have to bump the other. I press my fingers down sometimes until they're numb, trying to make them feel the same. I say a word repeatedly til I'm satisfied. OCD is like a voice in your head, telling you how and when you do everything, it's always there. My obsessions follow me to my dreams, too, now.
On top of anxiety I have the worst fear of eye contact or being the center of attention. This is called Scopophobia. When I’m alone I think “yeah, I can be in public situations and be fine. I don’t care what people think of me”.
But then I leave my house, and suddenly I’m aware of the thousands of eyes that could bee looking at me. Not just the eyes of people, but the eyes of birds, bugs, squirrels; anything alive that I may not even be able to see. In stores I intentionally swerve to avoid walking down the same isle as another person. Being around groups of people is even worse. I also hate stores because I’m constantly aware of the security cameras. The entire time I’m there I have this picture in my mind of a person sitting in front of the screen, watching me walk around. I can’t help it, I twist my fingers, crack my knuckles, sweep my hair back, but nothing stops the constant anxiety and fear I feel in public situations. I always feel like every single living thing that’s looking at me is judging me or hating me. It’s like being under a constant microscope and the bright, intense, painful white light is the pressure of society being ingrained into my brain. While I am forced to act like everything is fine, and continue to bear the sharp glares of the eyes that I can never escape.
Guys listen don't take this the wrong way I've had anxiety and still do but I've found coping strategies, I've missed two years of school I now go to school and get slightly bullied and don't even get me started about my autism but I see some comments saying things like "anxiety is the worst" and things like that. Now I agree that it isn't ideal but I also think that you need to talk to someone and try to improve. You're not going to help yourself if you don't do anything I've learned overtime that you need to push yourself to the limit. Come on guys you can be strong. Don't give up and give yourself all these labels and think that because you have anxiety you can't do anything when you can. So get out. Do something. Push yourself. Help yourself. Thanks for listening and like this if you want others to see this👇
My social anxiety is painful.
I could have the option to change my life or solve a huge problem by talking to a person but I wouldnt because I just get some random bad vibes about how awkward it would be
I've skipped out on so much school because of my social anxiety. The days I do go though I'm just so lonely and I feel alone and trapped and I don't know why or how to stop it. Everyone in my school is so outgoing and beautiful and I'm just really left out you know?
I have really bad anxiety especially in school but I don’t know how to explain it to people. I tried but they just don’t get why I get so upset just because it is crowded in class. I got also bullied by girls from my class and I started skipping school. Now they want me kicked out off school.
This is so true. When my anxiety kicks in it’s usually around my friends. I feel like no one wants to hang out with me and I annoy everyone. Most of the time when I go home after that I just cry in bed.
My anexity is so bad sometimes that i feel like im going crazy in the head or i feel detached from this world like in not here but i know i am. I try so hard to tell myself itll be okay but i feel like im gonna die or something does anyone now of like techniques that help with this
You know that feeling where you are lowkey expected to talk to people on
Church, School, Work.
So when you are alone, you feel like you need to talk to socialize with someone because other people will think that you are rude, or never talked to anyone.
You don’t want that feeling....
But what do I talk about with people?
How do I start conversation without feeling awkward.
They know I don’t talk so they will act weirdly to me.
Some days are better than others.. some days are worse. I know. When I get anxiety, it feels like I’m trying to escape out a straight jacket and I walk around looking emotionaless but I’m really screaming in the inside.
Anxiety is like everybody is judgin.
Like everybody hates you
Like the other people in the room think you're boring, stupid, and annoying.
Anxiety is like being dizzy
When your teacher calls your name and everybody turns to you.
Anxiety are tears of fear
A punch in the stomach
You have this constant feeling you're not enough and have to work harder, ever if you already do...compared to others.
"And talking about compare..have you seen that beautiful girl in your classroom? Well, you're not even close to be looking like that." "You're dumb" "tic-tock hurry up or daddy's going to get mad" "I have to ask for permission" "I'm sorry I didn't meant to.." "It's all my fault"
Anxiety it's like a grenade inside your chest, a poissonus one who explode and expand from head to toe. A grenade that slowly run trough your veins and disappear after a week, maybe a month.
Anxiety is like this, and the daily fight to overcome it..or just survive to it.
When people with anxiety do something wrong they will fell like the worst person in the world and no one understands that unless you have anxiety
The feel stupid or ashamed of getting some thing wrong or hurting someone’s feelings. The feel like the worst person in the world.
No one understands
I don’t even know how mine works. I’m not really anxious about being in fromt of other people (i perform a lot + just a generally loud person) but sometimes i just get that weird feeling in my chest and stomach and i feel like i’m gonna cry so i have to do someth to distract me (probably partially why i’m so loud) but i don’t know why it happens and it’s hard to breathe
After having performed a theatre piece when I stood there with the applause and the 300 people in front of me clapping and the bright lights on me and other 20 of my class mates which I dislike at least more than the half and only two of them get me, I panicked standing there and wanted to leave the stage as quickly as possible. The two who know about my issues told me that it was shameless of me to leave whilst the final words were said by one classmate and one of the two said that if I was this afraid of people I should just leave school then.
I have social anxiety and the normal general kind, too. When I try talking about it some of my friends just say:
“Everyone has anxiety it’s fine.”
But some people have much much worse anxiety, it’s not like I’m talking about some mild anxiety where you’re nervous for an interview. And not everyone could be like that..
Some people just don't understand what people with anxiety go through. I'm petrified of bad storms, and when one happens, my siblings tell me "It's ok." Or "You're being a scardy cat" They don't understand. They don't know what it feels like to walk around every minute of everyday thinking you don't have tommorrow.
I cried for hours in the bathroom
Ran upstairs so no one would see my puffy eyes and running nose
Never being able to blow your nose because they wold hear you
Crying with your hand over your mouth because THEY CANNOT EVER HEAR YOU
Cussing myself out for who knows what
Making myself feel like literal garbage
I couldn’t tell my mom
If I told her, she would think I was joking
I only told my mom recently that I’ve felt like this for the better part of 3 years
I’m getting a therapist soon
Honestly, I don't know if I have anxiety or not. When I'm in school, i notice every single detail about how people are looking at me, my body, my walking. Always when I want to go out, I won't because, I'm afraid, I'll be judged I have no friends, since I'm going out alone. Truth is that, I have friends, but when they ask me if I want to go out, I just say no or just make excuse, because I'm afraid I'll be awkward, or thirdwheel. And god, so much more.
The worst thing is when your parents ask what's wrong. They never get me seriously. Like I'm always sad. What do you expect me to say. You'll never understand how I feel from my prespective, because you had it 'worse' in your life.
I just feel like im wearing a rain coat on a hot pain summer that suffocates my skin and i cant take it off. And when im doing things infront of people or in the store. I start sweating like a pig. And it wont stop. One time security though i was stealing because i looked nervous (my card was taking 2 minutes to read) i couldn't do it. So i walked out so i could breath got in the car and yeald at my husband because things like this get the best of me.
Now lets multiply this when i have my 3 kids with me.
I have OCD. I have anxiety. I’m on drugs...and you know what that feels like? It feels like something or someone is inside your head, controlling you...controlling yourself, it feels like you’re not you, your just a drug. And drugs have a bad reputation...drugs ruin you. Every time I go to the therapist and they tell me things are so bad that my dosage needs to go up...well they are basically saying I can’t control myself...that I need more help, that I’m not good enough, that I’m...not...worth it. Being diagnosed with OCD is terrible...I hate it, and yet I can’t change it. Because they will only add more drugs to me to make me more “perfect” and “normal”. And I won’t ever be myself. Ever. Again. And anyone who has the same feeling...I’m so so so sorry, because it sucks, it really really does.
I’m 15. I’ve been told I’m perfectly normal, healthy even (mentally anyways). Yet I left something at my school and had to go back during the first couple days of summer to retrieve it from the lost and found. Just thinking about going in there made me uncomfortable and going in alone. No. I couldn’t do it. I asked my sister to go in with me but she didn’t want to so she called our mother to make me go in alone. My mother is talking with me, pleading even for me to go get my damned jacket alone so my sister wouldn’t have to get out of the car. While she is talking to me I’m crying. And not the one tear dramatic bull shit, but the tears streaming down my face, when did I get water on my face? Why is my heart rate so fast? And why can’t I just breathe like a normal person. Or in an instance like today I went to a few restaurants with both of my sisters and I actually ordered my own food. Granted my heart rate increased, I mumbled everything while staring at my feet, I ordered my own food. And when they gave me the wrong sandwich I was the one that went to the counter to ask for the correct one. That doesn’t seem like much but that was so amazing for me to do. But my doctor doesn’t know any of that. I want more than almost anything to know what is actually wrong with me, like why did the thought of talking to someone make me start hyperventilating when I shouldn’t have been uncomfortable at all. But of course. I’m too anxious to talk about it
yeah hi, just wanted to pop in and tell you that you're not alone.
we're in this together, i'm here for you.
I don't know what you're going through and i can't promise you that one day you'll wake up
and be living you're best life.
But i can tell you that there is better days, a day when you feel free from it.
I can't tell you when but one day.
Stay strong love, it'll be worth it <3
I was born with anxiety and I get it. I pick at my lip and I have balls in my mouth from biting them. I have a fire in my chest that I feel like I have to grab. I get what she’s talking about. I get how it feels like I need to go faster. When I was little I would hit the spots in my chest that felt like they were trying to run away from me