Link to 3 ways to start a conversation video: https://goo.gl/a58xcW
The BIGGEST Mistake People Make In Dating
There is one thing that ruins more relationships than any others. And while the examples I give are from my own life, this is true for men and women, straight, gay, it doesn't matter.
That thing is neediness. It often looks like obsessiveness, meaning you start imagining what it would be be boyfriend and girlfriend after one encounter, discussing kid names, giving larges gifts, talking to them about your future together in early dates, or when you spend all day thinking about why they didn’t get back to that text you sent. And it’s repulsive. And it’s the biggest thing that messes it up right after you meet someone you really like.
And I want to give you three simple things and one harder thing that you can do to fight neediness - because if you’ve got it, it can kill a relationship before it begins. Trust me, I’ve experienced it plenty of times. Keep in mind this specific advice is for early in a relationship
0:51 Trying to contact them every single day
2:37 Pleading when they can't meet up
3:55 Changing your schedule to fit theirs
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I've only ever ended up in a relationship with people Ive been exposed to over a long period of time. That means I've had 4 relationships and 3 were coworkers. Gotta stop with the coworkers but idk how to meet people any other way. Def not throwing myself to the wolves on a dating app.
Not being attractive is the biggest mistake a guy can make when it comes to dating. For so long I was trying to get a girl to date me when I was unattractive. Thankfully one of my friends told me this was the wrong approach and so I tried being attractive the next time I asked a girl out and she said yes. Guys, just be attractive, it worked for me.
i've already figured out a lot of these things from watching a tonne of other relationship advice videos and know that i did pretty much all of these and it really did kill our relationship. Discovered I have an anxious attachment style and that its something i can slowly work on. Its also something a lot of people learn naturally over the course of many failed/attempted relationships but I didn't really start dating until my mid to late 20's and only really had 2 "relationships" so whilst im at the age where i should "have figured all this stuff out by now" I'm really far behind the curve and have no idea what im supposed to do.
hoping that the next time I get to try I've "fixed" a lot of these issues and can make things work a bit better.
If you’re needy by nature the cure for you is dating multiple people at the same time, that s way you’ll spread the neediness and that way your neediness with never be on one person, it’ll be spread out lol trust me it works! Never focus on one person early on on one person!!!!!
This is good advice for all kinds of relationships, I've never dated, but I've had friendships that have had the aspects of all three of these. Sometimes it was me, sometimes it was the other person, but they don't just happen in dating.
Dating gets a lot harder when you work full-time, it's like just finding time to meet up is this grand production. Especially if you and your date have different work schedules. Kinda forces me not to be super needy.
Flaking on friends to meet please your partner is my #1 pet peeve with friend who are in a relationship. I tell those people to just let me know when they want to do something and I stop being the one who invites them. When they feel left out, I tell them it's because they are not reliable.
Okay. Here’s an old dating rule from my mom’s time that I think applies here. When someone asks you out on a date, it needs to be three days before the date happens. So if someone asks you out on Thursday to go out Friday, it’s no go because it was only one day before the day of the date in question and therefore less than three days. What you say is that you wish you could, but that you’re busy that day. The person asking you out then respects you and your time more and will most likely ask you out in advance next time. I don’t agree with all of the old dating rules, but this one has some merit to it.
1:45 "you blew it" ...honestly, i don't know about that. she might have changed her mind about you, being nothing to do about you, and just canceled the dates because she didn't wan to take responsibility and say so.
I had a friend in high school that was interested in me and I kept trying to give him cues that I wasn't interested in him by saying I was busy and I didn't have time until I just told him I wasn't interested. Lesson learned: Some guys don't take hints. Ooor maybe I wasn't being clear enough?
I had a very needy boyfriend and it was really annoying and frustrating to the point that when he came over to me (every f***ing day) I felt like he was an actual intruder. He ruined my daily plans with just being there. I had to cut him out of my life to feel happy again. Being single is the best thing for me.
WHY THE HECK AM I FINDING THIS NOW?! I ALMOST BLEW IT!! THANK GOD FOR A WEB ARTICLE THAT I FOUND TWO DAYS AGO, OR I WOULD HAVE COMPLETELY LOST HER!!
ahem. this video is of course much better than that article, but yeah...
I'd love if the guy I liked kept asking me out. Why? Cause I actually like him. She didn't like you like that. Cause I can't see why you wouldn't want to see the person you actually like... if the guy was barely trying to see me, I wouldn't want to see them anymore.
I recently got broken up with and I came across your channel late the other night and it really made me feel better and has taught me a lot and how to better myself. I have never related ton anyone so much! Keep making great videos I can't wait to binge watch all of them!!!
but in negotiation getting the other person to say no to you early can make them feel like they got to have their say and that they are in control enough that if they say yes later on they will mean that yes
Are you like...the ultimate male? How do you know all this and the rest of us don't? I'm reminded of Jerry Seinfeld joking about men trying to pick up women. "We all get together and cat calling is the best thing that we can come up with."
I was seeing a girl for a month. I think we saw each other like 12 times or more and well... Guess, what happened. She stopped talking to me :( I blew it and I'm so mad at myself because she was so into me... Fml. It's been a month now and we started talking again yesterday, but she is seeing someone else now. I hope it's not too late, I know I'm better than the guy she is seeing. I know I can do this. I'll get her back!
Pretending to be unavailable is something women do far more than men. That is because women like to play games... They want to see if they can control their men. Sure men play this game sometimes also, but nothing like as much... Why is this? Because women want to test where the man sits on the male dominance hierarchy. Some women never stop doing this in a relationship with their men. Ever. Some do. Marry the ones who do... Dump those who don't.
Yes, it boils down to enjoying one's own life so much that you don't need a particular other person to turn it from un-enjoyable to enjoyable. That would not only give that other person too much power but, too much responsibility which is an uncomfortable burden.
This guy is so right. I can't stand clingy guys. Calling me ever day wanting to talk for at least an hour is like dude, I have a life, not like u, I got shit to do, u know? Attraction goes very fast out the window with such guys. Even texting. Just one response to a text makes the guy want to have a long fucking convo for a damn hr or more not even asking if I am busy. I am sure they must be wondering why I stop answering right away, waiting till the next day, or just not at all after a while. I met a guy recently from online, just as friends, not a date. He was nice, I had no problems with him until he said that he won't text me every day. U can guess what he did every day. I could not scratch him off my back. I stopped answering him. Yes I was busy, I was getting close to exam weeks, I was studying and doing projects non stop and he knew it yet wanted to butt in and fucking text all day every day. Like pls, get a life. This dude has no friends or he fell in love with me, whatever. I am also so scared not to come across as needy that several guys told me that they thought that I was not interested cos I did not looks for them often enough. It is so hard to find the balance but really, stop contacting the girl every day if u guys just met, like jesus.
If my Ex girlfriend would have watched this video, the relationship could have been one of the best things in my life. But nope, neediness just destroys everything ... especially when she wanted me to give up on my friends and hobbies in order to spend more time with her. Thats a total no go.
Works for guy-guy dating. As someone who met up with a needy person, the insistence does not reflect well. Things were going well with someone I was seeing until I had work-related plans conflict with my date’s proposed date night. When I let them know I was unavailable They wanted me to “just cancel.” and be with them. I was instantly turned off.
Nahh men fuck that girl. you dont have to punish yourself for her flaky ass. The both of you were sending the same signals to each other so if flaked out on you, its on her and not you at all. what you did was perfectly reasonable, its just lovebird behaviour. if she truly liked you she wouldnt have flaked out on you.
The first one depends on the context. If you two like setting a regular routine to say hi and wish each other a good day over text and then spend the rest of the day doing what you love, contacting each other every day is completely fine.
If on the other hand you're noticing that you're always trying to get the other person's attention every day and it's one-sided, this mistake definitely fits.
I tell my boyfriends/friends: my projects are central to who I am, they do come first, and I would not want to be with anyone whose own life work/creative projects did not come first too. life purpose is the most attractive trait on anyone. bonus if it involves entrepreneurial/artistic/innovative flare:) lucky for me, some of my projects are collaborations with these awesome friends--win win!